Self-love is perhaps one of the most fundamental yet misunderstood concepts in the world right now. Some dismiss it as a new age ideology that cannot be applied in practical terms.
But nothing could be further from the truth. This self-love meditation will show you practical steps with regard to developing self-love. It will also explain what it is and outline the history of the trait and how it has been a core foundation of all spiritual teachings.
What Is Self-Love?
Self-love is the best love and the ultimate way to boost your self-esteem and become a fully healed and integrated human being. People often come to the idea backward. They look at attributes such as the way that a confident person walks or observe their traits.
But fundamentally, all radical change begins from within. You then start to really value yourself as a powerful creator of your own reality and deserving of love and respect from everybody. Self-love is the opposite of selfishness.
You cannot love another person unconditionally unless you love yourself first.
Self-love is not about engaging in destructive patterns of behavior and turning a blind eye. It has nothing to do with arrogance or narcissism and everything to do with becoming a fully whole and integrated individual.
When you are able to exercise self-love techniques, your life will become so much easier. This is because you will not sabotage yourself as much, which is what everybody does with their beliefs about unworthiness.
You will also have much more stability in your life as you will no longer depend on others for fulfillment. Your emotions and reactions will not be volatile and you will actually become detached (but not uncaring) from a lot of stuff that goes on in the world.
Love is the ultimate building block of the entire universe. Humans are born into the arms of loving parents and die with their loved ones around them (ideally). They live and die by love alone.
In the words of Gautama Buddha: “In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you”
Your ability to love yourself and others are all that really matters. How to get there is another matter entirely. For this, you have to find out who you are and love yourself unconditionally.
Finding Where The Self Resides Within Your Soul
Finding out what is self-love a mystical concept that has been around since ancient times.
The ‘self’ has been described by many names, such as the soul, the oversoul, the atman, the monad, the “I AM” presence, the Christos, the illumined one, and so on.
Labels aside, self-love can be described as who you truly are without any of the social behaviors and attitudes that you have downloaded since birth. It can be ‘found’ by shedding illusion and peeling away the layers of programming, which can also be called the ego.
The entire process of childhood and socialization is essentially learning how to forget who we really are. Our peers and parents scold us when we do something that does not conform to their viewpoint. As such, we learn how to behave in such a way that we can be accepted.
Being part of a group, family or tribe is the single most important self-love social norm. This dates back to a time where non-conformity would have gotten us thrown out of the tribe – likely to starve or freeze to death. Pleasing others is ingrained deep within us, but it is also very harmful in terms of spiritual evolution.
So when born, we experience traumas in forgetting who we are. And we then have to go through the process of forgetting everything we learned in school and through wider society to find our true selves.
Sadly, reconnecting is anything but easy in the modern age. The technology ensures that information is everywhere so we will look everywhere but inside – where the self resides.
Meditation Podcast: 15 Minute Meditation Music and Script For Developing Your Inner Self
How to Find The “Self ” Within The Silence
There is a defined path to find the self “quickly”, though the process could still hardly be described as quick. Many people are swift to dismiss Eastern modalities as outdated, unusual, and unworkable. But the fact of the matter is that in terms of finding the self, Vedic philosophy as a self-love technique occupies a distinct position of respect.
To proceed with finding Self, you will need:
1. A silent and serene location
2. The ability to do a self-love meditation on the heart chakra
3. The ability to severely restrict diet
4. The ability to leave behind all technology and distractions.
In many ways, self-love techniques are simple and straightforward. Get to a silent location and meditate on loving the self. Restrict your diet so you are not eating any meat, processed food, caffeine, or alcohol. Avoid technology and eliminate all mental, physical, and emotional distractions.
Though this can be difficult to do, the results will be immense. It is the ideal healing modality. 3 – 7 days is enough for significant changes to occur with the above protocol. It can be repeated as often as necessary and while you won’t succeed the first or even the tenth time, it is enough to fully rejuvenate you from the stresses of modern living in a big way.
Ironically, the quickest way to find the self is to do absolutely nothing at all. Your body, mind, and soul will heal if you just stop eating, thinking, and reading garbage material all the time. You will be in a perfect state of health if you stop doing things that put you in a depressed mood and environment.
The grand irony of it all is that people feel to need to ‘do something’ to fix an illusory problem. This leads to fad diets, liposuction, gender changes, unhappy relationships, and unaffordable mortgages.
Vedic philosophy has by no means a stranglehold on silent retreats and fasting. But it really cuts to the heart of the matter with its emphasis on these things and its constant focus on finding the self. There are hundreds of other esoteric modalities such as self-love meditation, crystal bowls, visualization, spinning, manifestation, lucid dreaming, chakra work and many more.
While they might bring many benefits and even some paranormal effects, they do not cut to the core of finding self-love. This involves letting go of everything you have learned to step into new dimensions. The pinnacle of self-esteem ultimately culminates in self-realization, a state of being that is talked about in practically every piece of spiritual literature of note.
This state goes beyond the typical human experience to full-bodied bliss and understanding. However, self-realized people are still flesh and blood, live to tell their experiences, have written books, and can be found by those who actively search for them.
Methods To Find Self-love and Who You Really Are
There are more ways to try and find out what is self-love and who you really are. It is best likened to the peeling of an onion where only the true self is left. A good place to start in finding self-love is to review all of what has happened to you in this lifetime and the major events.
The point is not to wallow in them or take pride in achievements. Just draw a linear map of the major events that happened, what their effect on you was, and try to see the bigger picture. This will help to build a degree of objectivity.
In terms of finding self, you do not want to be dependent in any way. So look at all the ways you are emotionally, mentally, physically, or financially dependent on other people and things. Become as self-sufficient as possible. This could entail an eliminating of cigarettes or bad food and finding a new job where you work for yourself. It will be different for everybody.
Finding self-love is an individual process. Nobody has ever self-realized themselves together. It is just not the way that the universe works. Groupthink is the antithesis of individual empowerment. Because even in groups, solutions only come from one individual with one spark of inspiration. There is no way to share creativity or ingenuity because it comes from within.
This means that when you are finding self-love techniques, the practices that you use and the philosophy that you adopt will be yours alone. If you simply copy what others are doing, then you are already disempowered, and will never find the self. Without making decisions of your own volition, you are not giving yourself any power.
11 Tips if You Struggle With Self-Love and Self-Care
When you hold yourself in high esteem with self-love, you’re more likely to choose things in life that will enhance your well-being and serve you well.
Real self-love is about embracing who you are. Having the courage to show your authentic self to the world without worrying about what people will think. Giving yourself permission to design a life that feels right to you, rather than remaining bound in life that other people expect you to live.
How can you be happy if you don’t love yourself? Having a high degree of self-love makes it easier to take good care of yourself. If you love and respect yourself, others are more likely to respect you, too. When you love yourself, you’re more gentle, kind, and considerate with yourself.
Life can be hard. It’s even harder when you’re hard on yourself. Ideally, you are your biggest fan in life.
Use these ideas to show yourself more love:
1. Make sleep a priority. Everybody needs sleep. When we don’t think very highly of ourselves, we often don’t get enough sleep. It’s easy for all the things and people in our lives to get our time and attention. This leaves too little time for sufficient sleep.
2. Feed your body better food. If you don’t love yourself, you might not be eating as well as you should be. Show yourself that you’re a priority by giving yourself healthy food to eat.
3. Feed your mind better things, too. It’s not just your body. It’s your mind, too. Consider the thoughts, TV, and websites that you’re giving your mind to chew on. Are you spending your time the way you would want your 18-year-old child to spend his time?
4. Exercise. Taking care of your body with exercise is a sign of self-love. You don’t have to train for a triathlon but get some exercise each day.
5. Look your best. When people aren’t happy with themselves, their general appearance is one of the first things to slide. Give yourself the attention you need to look your best each day. Be the best-dressed and best-groomed person in the room wherever you go.
6. Make time to relax. Rest and relaxation are critical to enjoying life. Schedule time into your day to kick back and do whatever you enjoy.
7. Forgive yourself. It’s pretty tough to love yourself if you haven’t forgiven yourself for your past mistakes and failures. There’s nothing you can do about the past, so it only makes sense to let it go and forgive yourself. The things that happened in the past are best left there.
8. List your best qualities. Those lacking in self-love can quickly rattle off their shortcomings but struggle to identify their positive characteristics. Remind yourself of all the amazing qualities you have. Write down your positive qualities, even if they’re only slightly positive. List them all.
9. List your greatest triumphs. You’ve done some amazing things. Put pen to paper and write them all down. Go back to the beginning and relive your better moments.
10. Separate from those that don’t treat you well. If someone in your life is a regular detractor, consider giving them their walking papers. There are so many people in the world that it doesn’t make sense to put up with someone that doesn’t treat you well.
11. Start making the changes you’ve been avoiding. You have a good idea of the changes you’d like to make in your life. Let today be the day you start implementing a few of those ideas.
If you can’t love yourself, who else will, other than your mother? Treat yourself like you matter, and you’ll begin to believe that you do. Our beliefs can be led by our actions. We can change our beliefs to justify our behaviors. Put your attention on your strengths and successes. Take care of your mind and body.
You’re the only person you have 24/7. Everyone else is available on a limited basis. So, make yourself a priority in your life. You’ll be glad you did!
8 Incredible Affirmations for Self-Love and Self-Esteem
Affirmations are one of the best ways to enhance self-esteem, as long as they are done correctly. However, it should be borne in mind that the affirmations need to be believable. If the affirmation is too far from where you are, then it won’t be believed and will just remind you of what you are not.
The affirmation also needs to be in the present tense and not a negation. “I am not poor” is reinforcing poverty, while “I am rich” reinforces riches.
There are an infinite amount of habits to take on board, so you will need to be selective. The best habits will depend on the person in question.
It could be a self-love meditation each morning, drinking a smoothie, visualizing your perfect day, or just making your bed before work. Also, consider turning off your WiFi at night and reducing technology usage before sleep.
Don’t forget to follow through on your intentions of self-love with positive action. Take care of your body, engage in activities that revitalize you, and heed the voice of your true self.
Affirm the very best about yourself and your life. And when you say affirmations as a self-love technique, make yourself believe what you are saying — that is the key to affirming speech into reality. Here are eight empowering affirmations to fortify self-love:
Today, I am met with unexpected joys and welcome opportunities. Today is the beginning of a brand new cycle of positivity.
Love is my birthright. I am a manifestation of this love. I am loving and loved by many.
I have full power over my destiny and trust that Spirit will guide me to make the best decisions.
I am overflowing with joy, vitality, and energy — I’m unstoppable!
My body is healthy. My mind is brilliant. My heart is at peace. My soul is tranquil.
I acknowledge my own self-worth; my confidence is soaring.
I am at peace with all that has happened, is happening, and will happen because I know that everything is towards my highest good.
My efforts are being supported by the universe; my dreams are manifesting into reality before my eyes.
Don’t forget to follow through on your intentions of self-love with positive action. Take care of your body, engage in activities that revitalize you, and heed the voice of your true self.
To visit Dr. Carmen Harra’s website, click here.
The time just prior to sleeping and just upon waking is one where you have access to the theta state while still conscious. If you can try to manifest a positive emotion in these states, your day and night will run much more smoothly. Lucid dreaming is another modality that can help you get what you want.
The morning is the best time to complete a task or engage in a positive habit. Studies have demonstrated that willpower is highest in the morning and tends to wane as the day goes on. So start your day off as well as you possibly can.
The worst thing that you can do is roll out of bed, look at your emails, shower, grab a slice of toast, and head to work. When you are looking at your emails you are basically downloading stress first thing in the morning.
The morning time is sacred and you need to keep some space there for relaxation. Sadly, most people are stressed about work and do not even give themselves the morning to relax.
Self-Love and Understanding Shadow Work
Self-Love is a lifelong practice that has to be fully attended to in order to bring about its full effects. In the current era, the law of attraction is very popular and comes with a myriad of benefits. It refers to the fundamental nature of the universe; that we have but one thing in our power, which is our attention.
And whatever we turn our attention to, we attract towards us. Some authors have indicated that attention is love and that whatever we love or put our attention on simply grows bigger. So we must be discerning in where we place our attention.
It is worth noting that the two biggest fields in spiritual psychology – shadow work and positive psychology – are adamant that people should only focus on bettering themselves and will, therefore, better the world as a consequence. Shadow work is a critical piece of the puzzle in terms of self-realization, self-love, and empowerment. It has taken center stage from the law of attraction.
According to Carl Jung, enlightenment can only happen through shadow work: “One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious”.
But it is also worth mentioning that when the law of attraction is studied in detail over the course of all the videos and texts, the shadow self is comprehensively dealt with. Over time, the person will attract instances where the dark side becomes healed without making it the main priority. This could be in the dream state or in physical reality.
All About the Shadow and Our Collective Unconscious
The term Shadow Work has first brought to the mainstream attention through the work of the eminent psychologist and behavioral therapist Carl Jung. He examined the shadow side of the human being primarily through the dream states as well as symbols. He also discovered something called the collective unconscious which is shared by all humans.
However, this is not relevant to the personal purpose of self-love and finding the self. You do not need to investigate the theory to complete the tasks. The theory always comes second to practical experience.
As per Jung, everybody has a shadow self that needs to be integrated. The less that the person integrates the shadow and expresses it openly, the blacker and denser it will be. Additionally, the shadow will often project its own failings onto other people.
This phenomenon of self-love is the best love, is often demonstrated in the law of attraction teachings, where we notice things in others that we hate about ourselves. In other words, our weaknesses and irritation can be the best tools for introspection. According to some authors, the shadow self is actually the seat of creativity and has many positive aspects. It is just that certain attributes are now viewed upon favorably by our current society.
Alternatively, the individual might have just had a certain experience that forced him or her to repress certain emotions and behaviors. Regardless, everybody has a shadow side that needs to be tended to. For some, it is more obvious than others. You can use other people as a mirror to understand your own shadow.
It will be oblivious to you but crystal clear to those who know you. For Carl Jung, the shadow self was a monster both individually and collectively:
“It is a frightening thought that man also has a shadow side to him, consisting not just of little weaknesses- and foibles, but of a positively demonic dynamism. The individual seldom knows anything of this; to him, as an individual, it is incredible that he should ever in any circumstances go beyond himself. But let these harmless creatures form a mass, and there emerges a raging monster.”
The Dark Side of Self-Love Through Pain
The fact is that human beings learn far more from their pain than they do from their triumphs. We have far more to learn from our faults than our strengths. Mirroring is an excellent technique to discover what is self-love that everybody would benefit from and can greatly assist in self-love.
Everybody can be used as a mirror for our own self-development. When we detest somebody else, it is a flaw in our own perception. What you see in others is a reflection of self-love, and what you have within yourself but do not want to deal with. As a result, when somebody bothers you, it is easier to project your own failings onto them and criticize them.
As per German author Hermann Hesse: “If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn’t part of ourselves doesn’t disturb us”. Again, this is reflected in the law of attraction. When we judge or condemn others, we are criticizing things we are unable to deal with ourselves.
The Christian Bible also reflects these teachings: “You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things” (Romans 2:1) “Do not judge, or you too shall be judged” (Matthew 7:1)
Building Self-Love Through Purification
If you want to build up self-love, the first thing that you have to do is purification. The reality is that most people have picked up a lot of wild and irrational beliefs, values and attitudes that are not real. They cause a lot of damage. There are also a lot of physical toxins in the body from an unclean environment.
You need to purify across all levels in order to have complete self-love. Purification might sound like a drastic step, but it is certainly worth it so you can see yourself with more clarity.
Purification generally involves:
1. Fasting or dietary restriction.
2. Information restriction.
3. A natural environment.
4. Self-Love Meditation.
6. Yoga and/or exercise.
7. Reading of uplifting material.
You can do a combination of the above for as long as you want. 3 days in the minimum and 3 weeks will have incredible benefits. But any amount is worth doing. These techniques are ancient and despite all of the new age positivity strategies, they work the best.
Nothing will have the same impact as doing the above in tandem with one another. They work individually, but the effects are magnified when combined. It is only when you get away from society (i.e “real” life) and do these practices that you can clearly see just how dysfunctional society really is and how dysfunctional your own beliefs and thoughts are about yourself and about society.
Not everybody has time for an intense purification exercise. And they can only really be done once every 3 months or so. Due to this, people need less intense modalities so they can build self-love steadily and consistently over time.
The first step is in relation to freeing up your time and energy. Most people have heavy stress from either energy vampires or from work and relationships. The best scenario, if at all possible, is to simply exit a toxic relationship or environment.
Many people are afraid of leaving a job they hate and pretend that they have to stay there to pay the bills. But nothing is worth having your energy drained and living like a zombie with no purpose or intention. What happens is that you are pretending to be someone you are not, which is the polar opposite of authenticity and self-love.
There are many self-love exercises you can do, but here are 5 of the most effective:
1. The waking and sleeping hours are a prime time to master your thoughts and emotions. In the place between sleeping and waking, turn your thoughts as positive as possible. These states are more powerful and set the tone for the rest of the day or night.
2. Keeping a gratitude journal is perfect for appreciating what you are and all that you have accomplished. The fact of the matter is that human appreciation is arbitrary and irrational. We can work towards a goal for 5 years and appreciate its completion for a week. We need to reframe our gratitude and appreciation so we can be joyful for everything, not just the big goals.
3. Put yourself first with vacations, massages, extreme sports, concerts, whatever it is that you want to do. You deserve supreme enjoyment, and it is what you are here for. Sadly, most people think that life is supposed to be a painful chore and create stress for themselves. Do not do this to yourself.
4. Stop interfering with others at all costs. There is a kind of virus going around where people are trying to make the world a better place and love pointing out the flaws in the world. This is in spite of the fact that times have never been better, by a gigantic margin. If you do not focus on your own self-development towards self-love, you will never develop. And you will find others interfering in your life in a similar fashion.
5. Self-love meditation, or focusing on the heart chakra is a chief recommendation among ancient spiritual scriptures. The heart chakra is a doorway to the higher self/oversoul to really find out what is self-love if you put your energy there for extended time periods.
Feel Good At All Times – It’s OK To Feel Good!
One of the most important and overlooked parts of being able to find self-love is being unashamed about feeling good. This entails doing activities that feel good to you as much as possible.
There is a tendency to believe that you must suffer much to ‘achieve’ happiness. It is more the case that unhappiness has to be ‘unlearned’ from past conditioning.
There is nothing wrong with feeling good, and nobody is not worthy of self-love, respect, and appreciation. There is actually no reason you have to work for 4 years in university to start out at the corporate ladder and work your way up.
This is actually quite silly, given that you can get certified from a distance and set up an online business for a fraction of both the cost and time.
Yet people still flock to universities paying tens of thousands of dollars to wait 4 years until they can make an income if they get a job. In any case, you don’t have to accept any limitation that society places upon you. If you want to master self-love, then you have to love yourself and treat yourself with respect.
This entails saying no to toxic relationships, setting boundaries, thinking positive thoughts, journaling, getting exercise, taking massages, going for luxurious hot showers, taking a regular vacation, etc. Your only responsibility is to yourself and to make sure you are as happy as you can be.
There are actually a wide variety of self-love strategies. What’s important to understand is that it is not really an additive process. You need to shed the beliefs, values, and attitudes about what is self-love that you adopted to protect yourself in this life. Being in a relaxed state of mind helps you to do this. Anything that gives you another perspective and leads you away from erroneous beliefs can be termed self-love is the best love strategy.
Books on Self-Love From Spiritual Teachers
Of course, there is no shortage of spiritual teachers who can share a lot of wisdom when it comes to self-love. Krishnamurti, Osho, Alan Watts, Sadhguru, Tolle, the Dalai Lama, the list goes on. All of them offer a different perspective with regard to how to achieve self-realization. But only a select few identify love as the true source and deal with it directly.
One of the modern teachers that teach this very effectively is known as Don Miguel Ruiz, who is a Shaman and proponent of Toltec wisdom. All of his books have been international bestsellers and include The Four Agreements, the Fifth Agreement, The Voice of Knowledge, and The Mastery of Love. Another powerful speaker on self-love is Marianne Williamson. Her first book, A Return to Love had a major impact.
There are many books to choose from in terms of reading. It is important not to be critical or judgemental of any book you read. If it’s not for you, just put it down and select another that is more appropriate.
Don’t feel the need to write a 1000 word review about how bad it was. The negativity will just bounce back to you. In any case, self-love is to be expressed and developed, and there is only so much that you can learn from books alone, regardless of how good the material happens to be. Practice beats theory.
Quickest Paths to Self-Love Using Mirror Gazing
To love yourself, you must look at yourself clearly. And doing this is not as easy as you might think. Most people have an idea of themselves that they associate with their jobs and accomplishments. These ideas have nothing to do with reality, whether they are positive or negative.
Mirror gazing is a good way to really look at yourself. The eyes are said to be the windows to the soul, and you might find looking directly into your own eyes to be very uncomfortable. Try gazing at your own eyes for a few minutes every morning. You can also do this with a partner to increase love for each other.
Remember, the main reason that you do not love yourself is that you cannot really see yourself due to a lack of perception. Any kind of modality that clears your mind and your perceptual lens assists you in self-love and compassion of others.
Compassion is itself not really a ‘path’ or means to self-love. What happens is that when you becoming more self-loving, you become more compassionate towards others. In terms of the shadow, what you see in others you detest, as it is alive within you.
But when the shadow has been integrated, you are more compassionate to those who suffer from the issues that you have integrated. You recognize them more clearly because you used to have them, and your compassion is far greater because of the self-love techniques integration.
Discipline and focus can be a means of learning self-love techniques. This entails moving away from automatic behaviors that are not serving you. But it can be very tricky to get the balance right between being dogmatic and disciplined. Some people can become extremists and are unable to enjoy the simple joys. Yet for the vast majority, the difficulty lies in a lack of discipline and constant indulgences.
In any case, advertising, social media, processed foods, alcohol, and cigarettes should be minimized as much as possible. If you really love your body, you will make the effort and treat it right with exercise and a reasonable diet.
Nothing really beats meditating on self-love and generating it as raw emotion. This is professional practice for people who want to really attain mastery of love. It is the most direct approach of really feeling the energy of love and directing it at an object and towards yourself.
Organization and Cleanliness In Your Environment
While this is secondary, try to clean up the inside and outside environment as much as possible. This means that your room and desk are as clean as possible. You might also want to throw out some of your old stuff or do a garage sale. This is very therapeutic and should serve to clean the mind. You need to put yourself in a safe, clean, and organized environment.
You also want to rid yourself of any toxic relationships that you have. Toxic relationships in the home or workplace will sap your energy and self-love like nothing else. While you are angry, fearful, or ashamed, you are blocking the energy of self-love. Understand that it is not possible to feel a positive and negative emotion at the same time.
So if you are fearful, you are not loving. However, this has an added benefit. If you can manage to generate loving emotions in the midst of depression or during a crisis, then it is possible to drag yourself up. This takes a long time to master, and you need to practice being a loving person.
In any case, it is best to rid yourself of toxic relationships and to establish a community of people who are loving, compassionate, and kind. Keep all aspects of your inner and outer environment as clean as you can and be organized in all of your endeavors.
The Complexity and Psychology of Self-Esteem
Assessing self-esteem can be quite problematic. The issue lies in the fact that self-esteem can fluctuate on a moment to moment basis throughout the day. It is also often related to a role or function. Some people can have millions of dollars while also battling self-love, social anxiety or depression.
Others are excellent at dating but awful at work. However, it is significant that the confidence lies in the person’s perception of himself or herself in that particular field.
Self-esteem stems from our attachment to something. For example, a chef might take pride in his status as a wonderful cook. And if you were disappointed in the food, the chef would be very unhappy compared to somebody who does not cook for a living. The same applies to any person who is proud of the role that he or she is doing.
This is why self-love is the best love and is on another level. It is not attached to anything. Because whenever you are attached to something out of identification, your validation stems from what others think. Even if it is positive, it is still temporary. But self-love is nondualistic and constant once you practice it.
Building Self-Esteem By Believing In Yourself
There is no set routine for building self-esteem. While scientific studies have confirmed the benefits, they have been unable to provide a standardized means of improving self-esteem and self-love. This is because each human being is very complex and multifaceted.
How to believe in yourself: Jim Cathcart at TEDx
Jim Cathcart thought he would never make a difference. An average student from a working-class family with no athletic or special skills, he expected an unremarkable existence. But one radio message in 1972 changed the direction of his life & authored his belief in his potential. Today, he’s a Hall of Fame Speaker and has authored 16 books. While changing himself, Jim also discovered how to help others believe in themselves, too.
Science understands almost nothing about how the human being perceives his or her reality and associates with the past and the present. And it has not made any inroads whatsoever into the dream sleep and its significance. Many of the products and services designed to enhance self-esteem and self-love have the opposite effect of their stated purpose.
People actually feel worse after taking them. This is because these products are services that tend to be externally orientated, such as cosmetics, voice tonality, fancy clothes, and other superficial modalities. Even immersion can be difficult for those suffering from social anxiety, self-love, and other issues.
If a person is nervous speaking in front of a crowd, then forcing them to repeat this action could simply lead to a breakdown and further trauma. On the flip side, there are definitely things that you can do. While there is no “one size fits all” approach that can help with self-esteem, every individual will respond well to certain healing modalities.
The trick lies in finding out what this is and helping the individual to overcome it. This is what psychology and shadow work is all about. The person is able to see the difficulties more clearly using dream work, journaling, direct communication, hypnosis, and other forms of therapy.
Once these demons are brought to the light of consciousness, they can dissipate. Unfortunately, it is a lot harder than it sounds and these ingrained tendencies do not simply dissipate in the majority of instances.
7 Practical Ways To Build Self-Esteem and Self-Love
There is a constant debate within the spiritual and psychological community with regard to the ‘correct’ way forward with self-esteem, self-love, and healing in general. Some push for positivity, others shadow work. Some advocate integration, others say that ‘letting go’ is the best approach.
Some state that balance and harmony are the ultimate pinnacles of healing and self-love techniques, more dictate that creative chaos is the natural state of a universe that is constantly changing.
The fact is that all of these approaches will work at certain times for certain people. Some people might need to integrate the various parts of themselves, while other patients might really need to let go of issues. As always, the best way to build confidence in a patient suffering from depression or low self-esteem of some sort is to let them communicate their feelings openly first and establish an open dialogue.
Instead of simply pushing therapy on the person, alternative therapies could be suggested. In the way, the person uses his or her own power, resources and self-love techniques to come up with creative answers in developing self-love. And it could be anything from painting, to diet, to self-love meditation, and even going back to university.
As complex and multifaceted as building self-esteem and self-love might be, there are still a number of practical self-love techniques to enhance it. Taking yourself out of situations where you are not confident is equally as important as putting yourself in places where you have high levels of self-esteem.
1. Put Your Health First – Always put your health and well-being first. Nothing is more important than being stress-free in a healthy body. This will also involve a certain amount of discipline. Exercise regularly and tend to diet, as health is attractive and will lead to self-esteem. By looking and feeling better, people will also start to treat you better.
2. Save Money – Regardless of your beliefs about money, it is needed to function. And you should have a healthy amount of it at hand so that you do not have to worry about it. Save a certain amount of money and budget so that you always have enough for the bills in advance. Anxiety and stress over money take up a lot of mental and emotional resources.
3. Build Competence – Whatever your role is, make sure you are competent at it. Like a lack of money, if you worry about being able to perform your job then your well-being will suffer. Competence is one of the best things to assist in building confidence. Whatever you are good at, try to get better.
4. Focus – Do not exert all of your resources trying to do too many things at once. Keep it simple and focus on doing one thing at a time. Many people overexert themselves with too many tasks or go the other way with too much vacation time. You can use focus to build money and competence slowly over time.
5. Self-Love Meditation – Health, money, and competence are the building blocks of a healthy human being. But after this, it is time to take it to the next level and build confidence that is hard to shake in any circumstances. Meditation as a self-love technique can assist in detaching you from reality so you are not as affected by the thoughts and opinions of others anymore. It won’t work overnight, but it definitely works.
6. Inner Assessment – You need to identify core fears and beliefs that you have and find some way to work on them. There are online questionnaires that can help you to identify what your beliefs are. You can use affirmations to help change these beliefs or work on them using physical activities.
7. Reframe – Reframing is a great way to put yourself into a good mood. When something happens that you do not like, simply list the good that came out of it. Everything can be reframed, and everything is subjective in any case. Nobody sees the same situation in the same way.
Mastering Thoughts and Emotions For A New Reality
It is not disputed within esoteric circles that the quality of your thoughts will determine the nature of your reality. And thought is really just a habit.
If you can really change your thoughts you will be able to control what you experience. Even if you end up in a negative environment, you can still control your reaction to it.
Moreover, a negative environment is most likely only negative because you have some kind of negative belief surrounding it, which you can change.
Mastering Thoughts – Thoughts gather momentum and tend to perpetuate themselves. And so, the rich get richer and the poor get poorer on this planet not due to any kind of structured inequality, but simply due to thoughts of poverty perpetuating themselves and thoughts of riches perpetuating themselves.
People prefer to adopt a victim mindset than to take control of their thoughts and focus continually on wealth and solutions.
It is so much easier to blame a villain than to accept responsibility. It is also far lazier and accomplishes nothing at all. The primary reason that people have not mastered their thoughts is not a lack of information. It is a lack of dedication and consistency. People have a habit of instantly reacting to negative news and events without understanding the power of their own minds.
They are the ones generating the stress, anxiety, and worry as a result of their own powers of observation. Gaining power over your thoughts is a lifelong endeavor. But it is the only real task that you have to do, as it determines everything.
Thoughts and emotions are interlinked. While thoughts lead to emotions, it is entirely possible to learn to leverage emotions without any thoughts whatsoever. This is even more powerful. It is not the thought that generates the power, but the emotional energy behind it. So you can go directly to the source. Of course, the most powerful emotion is love, and you should try to master this if possible.
Love can be generated if you place your thoughts on people that you adore. Over time, you will be able to summon the self-love is the best love energy directly. This will not happen overnight but it will greatly increase your power and charisma. Some events can generate an immensely negative reaction from a person due to previous trauma. And this can be very difficult to deal with. But the principles remain the same, though the intensity might be far worse.
You have to find a way to deactivate the negative energy and focus on positive energy. This does not mean that you are ignoring the problem. A problem would imply that there is something wrong with you that needs to be fixed.
But the reality is perception, and you need to change your mental and emotional lens to see things from the perspective of the higher self – who you really are: “We do not see things as they are, we see them as we are” (The Talmud)
A Note On Exploring Your Personal Beliefs
Beliefs deserve to be examined. They are often mentioned but rarely explored in detail. A belief is simply a thought that has been repeated over and over again.
It becomes ingrained in the human being as a fact, though this is not really the case. As such, these beliefs can easily be deactivated by people who turn their attention toward positive thoughts. The new beliefs replace the old.
Again, it is not possible to feel both love and hate at the same time. They are opposites. But if you have a belief about someone that results in the energy of hatred, then you will continue to have this belief unless the thought chain is interrupted.
Activating the exact opposite is key to deactivating a negative belief. However, you need to use the self-love technique of meditation as an intermediary. If you are in anger or despair, first you need to try a self-love meditation and slow down. Then you need to access the opposite belief.
Deep beliefs are often the biggest obstacle to new states of awareness. For example, you might have read all of the material but deep down do not feel you are worthy of a partner. There are a wide number of erroneous beliefs such as “resources are scarce and we must compete” and “you have to work hard to get rich”.
These beliefs are completely inaccurate. Everybody has their own set of beliefs that need to be scrutinized. It is not possible to evolve with limiting beliefs. But you can use the power of habits as a self-love technique to remove them over time.
Using The Power of Habits For A New You
The power of habits is not to be underestimated. A mature understanding of habits and how to use them is fundamental to becoming a fully whole and integrated human being.
Because your habits are the primary determinant of who you are and who you become: “Repetition of the same thought or action develops into a habit, which, repeated frequently enough, becomes an automatic reflex” (Vincent Norman Peel)
What you do every day will change who you are. The issue is that most people have poor habits which they complete every day without thinking about them. Your habits will help you to correct some of your subconscious tendencies.
As a reporter in Afghanistan, Charles Duhigg observed the power of habit in successful military operations. He used these observations as an entry into his 2012 New York Times bestseller The Power of Habit. The book demonstrates in great detail the science behind how habits impact every aspect of our daily lives.
Consider that half of all of your daily activities are automatic. You do not put any conscious awareness into them. Habits are a way for our brains to conserve energy over time, and they are vital to our functioning. Imagine if you had to calculate every step to work beforehand, how to make your breakfast, open the front door, take each step to the car, start the ignition, drive in busy traffic, etc.
Thankfully, our subconscious takes care of all of it. The brain is only capable of remembering between 5-9 facts at a time. The rest is passed to the subconscious for processing. When you do something once, you can complete it the next time around on autopilot far more easily. Most of your habits are driven by unconscious fears that you are not yet aware of. Correcting habits can have the effect of correcting these fears, though it takes time.
How to Master Habits With Positive Thoughts
Everything that you do is no more than a habit. Some habits are incredibly deeply ingrained. The longer that a habit is put in place, the harder it is to replace it. Think of the example of a person who has been smoking for 30 years, constantly used to taking smoking breaks with friends and smoking at home.
But it is just as easy to make a habit out of going to the gym or meditating than it is to smoke or drink alcohol. As everybody knows it is not the gym or meditation that is difficult. It is the thought of the gym or meditation and getting to the place itself.
It takes 3 days for the body to get used to a different kind of diet. In drug rehabilitation, the first 3 days are the most difficult, and after this, the patient will have a much easier time staying away.
This is because the body is physically dependent on the drug and has adapted to its presence. After 3 days, it will have adapted to functioning without the drug. However, this is only the physical side of things.
Scientific studies have established that it takes 3 weeks for a habit to become ingrained. After 3 weeks, it is likely that the person will continue doing it afterward. So if you really want to master a habit, the 3 day and 21-day marks are the most important.
After these points, it will become a lot easier. Once a habit has been installed, it just becomes second nature. It does not really matter what it is. This is the beauty of habits once you understand them and use them to your benefit.
Of course, the ultimate habit that you want to maintain is positive thoughts. The minute you find yourself thinking of a negative thought, try to change it to something positive. Overtime, even this will become second nature, and negative thoughts will have become a thing of the past. This is the ultimate habit to adopt, so it is best to start with other practices such as meditation or diet first.
Habits Are Formed With Self-Love Techniques
Whatever kind of habit you adopt, remember to stick with it for at least 3 weeks. And do it first thing in the morning. Over time, it will become second nature to you. Incorporate your habits one at a time so you do not get overwhelmed. Habits are very difficult to break out of once they become ingrained. They are engrained so strongly in the brain that they can even survive brain damage. On the other hand, this can be a good thing if you adopt positive habits.
As per Warren Buffett: “The chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken”. As difficult as habits may be to break, if you stick with it, the benefits can be phenomenal. You can find yourself on a never-ending spiral of self-development.
One habit after the next can be broken, from the smallest to the biggest. But people often need to identify one keystone habit that will result in a change in all the others. You can use the power of habit to find your true self and establish unshakable self-esteem.
Creative Ways to Boost Self-Love and Accept Yourself
Self-love meditation, organization, discipline, purification, diet and more have huge benefits.
But they can be very stale and lifeless for many people, despite their necessity. You do not have to stick to these aesthetic practices.
In fact, loving yourself is anything but boring. It should be the most enjoyable journey of a lifetime. Because you are literally doing things that make you happy at intensity.
To love yourself means to accept yourself as you are and to come to terms with those aspects of yourself that you cannot change.
It means to have self-respect, a positive self-image, and unconditional self-acceptance even if you make mistakes. Just focus on the person you are and want to be, bring in the qualities that matter to you and the qualities you want to manifest into the future you.
Creativity and Imagination To Be Truly Successful
Creativity is a means of accessing parts of you that have lain dormant due to societal conventions. As stated in the beginning, we shut down our creative, spiritual, emotional and physical centers due to the pressure to conform. The challenge lies in opening up these faculties at a later stage.
The hallmarks of self-love techniques are authenticity and originality. Creativity can only come from inside of you. But most of our society consists of copy cats. People copy each other all the time. Think of the number of online eBooks on “how to make money online”. The same old advice repeated and sold over and over and over. It is not possible to make money online by simply taking another person’s formula and repeating it.
You need to be original to be truly successful. This is why you should stay away from prescripted formulas for success. Even if they genuinely worked for the original creator, they will not work for you because they are not your creation. This is an important point.
Creative Ways To Boost Self-Love
One of the biggest and most powerful ways to boost self-love is to go on a wild trip. Do something that you have never done before. Better yet, do something that is far outside of your comfort zone, like quit your job and travel the world. It is guaranteed to open up previously inaccessible avenues of thought and emotion that you never knew you had.
There could be a little more disappointing than traveling down the same road with a few variations along the line within the same corporation. Wages increases and another title are immensely boring to people who are living their true lives. They are typically no more than abstractions that people use to content themselves with very unsatisfying lives.
There are a variety of self-love techniques to improve the image. Bear in mind that it is an ongoing and never-ending process, but one that gets more satisfying as time goes by.
The best self-love practices include:
● Creative writing.
● Martial arts.
● Anything else that you love to do.
Obviously, the list is not exhaustive. And there is room for creativity in logical subjects such as accounting or math. But it has to be applied dynamically and used often by the person. Otherwise, the imagination will lie dormant as the person continues to rely on textbooks and manuals written by somebody else.
The way to enhance creativity lies in persistence. If you are painting, then you need to try and paint a painting every single day. You will have certain insights and eureka moments now and again, but you cannot tell when they are going to happen.
Regardless of what creative activity you are doing, you need to engage in it every day. Creativity can also help to unroot subconscious tendencies. For example, characters in a story or images in a painting are reflected in the inner psyche. While you may not be able to discuss such things in public, they can be expressed through creative means.
Your Intuition Holds The Answer To Every Question
The intuition is an incredibly underappreciated aspect of every individual. It holds the answer to every question and needs to be relied upon. The intuitive faculties have to be developed over time. They largely evolve when a person detaches from the rational processes associated with strenuous mental thought. However, the mind is very limited and can only process a small amount of information.
Intuition, creativity, and imagination are very tightly linked. The processes that you can use to increase creativity are the same ones that you can use to increase your intuitive power. Intuition is your biggest friend when it comes to making life choices. There are thousands of ways to practice and learn self-love techniques, but only a few will be perfect for you at a specific time.
And it is a lot easier than people make it out. If there is anything that really stands out and that you think would work, go for it. Don’t dismiss your desires and goals as irrelevant. They are the single greatest signposts that you have. Above all, find something that you love to do and be creative in doing it.
This is your true self and this is empowering. If you love yourself, give yourself the gift of doing what you love 24/7 without caring what other people think of you. It is the pinnacle of human achievement to be uniquely you without input from anyone else.
Conclusion – Be Who You Really Are
Finding out who you really are and generating self-love for yourself is the most rewarding experience that you can have. The spiritual term is self-realization and is beyond the understanding of those who have not experienced it.
Yet some are closer than others and will exhibit higher levels of self-esteem. After all, confidence is simply being more aligned with who you really are. The people who try to be something they are not are the ones who are underconfident.
It takes a remarkable amount of resources to put up a facade and it is immensely energizing when you align yourself with your own divinity.
In the words of the Greeks: “Know thy self and you shalt know the Gods and all the universe”.
Self-Love Resources: Websites, Blogs, Books and Courses
Books on Self-Love
A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles” – This is a 1996 classic by Marianne Williamson, a well-known spiritual teacher. Williamson demonstrates that integrating love into our daily lives can solve all problems. She also posits that love is far more than just an emotion, but is the ultimate foundation for all of creation.
Madly in Love with ME: The Daring Adventure of Becoming Your Own Best Friend – This is possibly one of the best and most direct books on self-love every written. It outlines practical tasks that are specifically designed for you to love yourself more. While there is much information about the topic, the radical practices put forward in this boot are transformative. The premise of the book is simple and obvious. If you don’t love yourself, you can’t love anybody else.
How to Love Yourself (and Sometimes Other People): Spiritual Advice for Modern Relationships – Another modern entry on the list, this book takes concepts and ideologies from many spiritual sects and integrates them with modern-day teachings. The book shares practical outlines with regard to enhancing self-love and growing together with another individual.
The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship: A Toltec Wisdom Book – Don Miguel Ruiz is up there among the most popular spiritual authors of the modern age, having written a large number of bestsellers. It is an in-depth book about how to generate love for ourselves.
Articles on Self-Love & Self-Esteem
Carl Jung, Shadow, and the Self: Navigating Through the Complex Mechanics of the Dark Side – A comprehensive explanation of the shadow self and how to master it. A long read but an excellent explanation of Jungian philosophy.
My Radical Realization About Self-Love – A profound and inspiring story about the power of self-love as opposed to all other modalities for self-realization. High Existence is an excellent resource for self-development articles in general.
What is Self-Esteem? Two Psychologists Explain – A detailed and comprehensive investigation into what self-esteem is and how it can be differentiated from confidence, compassion, and self-efficacy.
Self-Love: The Greatest Love of All – This article explores self-love in detail and goes into some of the most common fallacies surrounding the issue. It cracks open the myth that being self-loving is narcissistic or egotistical and reasserts the fundamental truth that it is impossible to be loved unless you are loving.
Courses On Self-Love
40 Days of Self Love – One of the best and most intensive courses around on the topic of self-love. 40 days is a long time and if you complete this course, then you are set to be radically transformed.
How to Break the Habit of Self-Doubt and Build Real Confidence – This course from Mel Robbins delves deeply into how to stop negative thinking and build real confidence for true transformation.
Self-Love Queens Online Course – Aimed primarily at women, this course helps women to love themselves more and have increased self-esteem. It takes 6 weeks to complete and is very systematic in its approach.
Self-Love: The Key to Happiness – This is another course that is geared exclusively toward helping people to love and appreciate themselves more. The course covers self-esteem, appreciation, self-love, mindfulness, releasing negativity, and more.
The Complete Confidence & Self-Esteem Master Class Course – An affordable and popular course centered around one thing and one thing only: building high levels of self-esteem as quickly as possible.
YouTube Channels On Self-Love
Actualized.Org – This channel deals directly with the greatest goal man can achieve as individuals – self-actualization. This term can be used interchangeably with self-realized or self-loving. This covers a lot of bases with no frills attached, but some new age proponents might be put off by the frank nature of the teachings.
Brendon Burchard – Brendon Burchard is the author of the bestselling “Motivation Manifesto”. The topics of his videos vary quite a lot, from making a good speech to generating love in your personal life.
Fight Mediocracy – A look at alternative ways of doing things so that people can rise to their potential. The site is orientated towards achieving the goals that you want and to set yourself up for long-term success.
Personality Hacker – Personality Hacker takes a more scientific approach to change the personality based on the latest research. But like all good self-development channels, it branches out into the power of thoughts, beliefs, and emotions as primary self-development tools.
Zoey Arielle – This channel is a place for positivity, dreams, goals, and self-improvement. ♥ created by Canadian born Zoey Arielle. The videos include self-love, the law of attraction, minimalism, and digital nomadism, and they are very inspirational.